hazard 27 (defunct) › floor › view

memories that plague my mind (01/06/2005)

Sometimes I remember.

It would just come out of nowhere. It doesn't matter what I'm doing at the time. I once thought it does, but it doesn't. And when I realized that, it wouldn't. No matter how hard I tried.

It never worked.

And everyone was drinking on the rooftop, looking down below at the cars driving between the buildings. Without looking above, everyone counted the helicopters and the airplanes and the jets that flew by. I just counted cars.

"Anyone scared?"

A worn out bottle opener. It belonged to someone who died. I think it was one of the founders. I don't remember his real name. Then again, I don't like real names. I was taught to not like real names. Just in case, if I ever got caught, it would be hard to find out who I was acquainted with.

"If you had one wish, what would you wish for?"

I looked around and couldn't find who said it. I didn't like that question. Anyone who answers it would have to say, "I wish my friends were still alive," or something close to that. And those who knew that don't answer the question.

I remember. Three years ago.

"If you ask anyone that question, the ones who immediately wish for someone to still be alive are the ones you wouldn't feel bad to die protecting them. It's always good to find out who you can blindly trust. Any other wish, I'd let them die if they were in danger."

It's always about those who have experienced loss.

I didn't like having that in common. Then again, I didn't like being the only one. Is that why I could kill? Is that why everyone here kills without hesitation?

"You look scared."

She held my hand and stared into my eyes, as if there might be a life in there. Her grip was gentle. Yet she probably killed more than I have. Of course, real killers don't keep count. I still tried.

"I want to be. But I forgot how."

"Carry a gun and accept that you can die. Aim a gun and accept that you can kill. Fire a gun and accept that you are already dead. Isn't that the life I ended up in, but didn't choose?"

Why do I want to go back?

Options: [put it on the wall] [help] [exit]

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